I have an issue I'd like to share with you all and I would like your honest input.
I have been "happily" married for the past eight years now and in the course of this marriage we have been through thick and thin and I have come to accept a number of things. One of these things is that my wife doesn't appreciate me. She's kind and loving and all that and I'm grateful to have her. However I've noticed over the years that she's not very appreciative of my person. Let me give some examples.
There was a time her mother fell very sick. Her brothers didn't have money to cater for her and kind of left her to her fate. As soon as she told me I got her admitted and sent my personal doctor to look her up. In a few days she was feeling much better and discharged from hospital. My wife never one day offered so much as a thank you till date. Even when the mother later came to see us and was thanking me my wife for some reason got up and walked out of the room. Now I realise the appreciation from her won't add to my account or anything but I felt a little show of appreciation would have been nice. She didn't so much as refer to the matter again and neither did although i was perplexed.
There was another time she lost her job at the bank where she worked. She was at home for almost a year while we both ran from pillar to post looking for another job to get her busy(my salary can cater for the home but she doesn't like being idle) and eventually I got an old contact who directed me to a government official who asked me to bring her CV which i did. For another three months I followed the matter up, calling the man incessantly(she refused to call, saying she wasn't friends with the man. I was, even though I felt she ought to call to familiarise herself with him) and the interview was something else with a lot of lobbying and such.
Finally she got the job. When she got the text message to come and collect her letter she called her mom immediately and they were both screaming over the phone in jubilation. I had to ask what happened and she said she had gotten the job. she started saying things like "Thank God she got the job, The interview was tough but she was tougher, she wrote intelligently" etc. I pursed my lips and said nothing. When we eventually collected the letter and went to see her mom she repeated the same thing. She did not for one moment mention my involvement in the matter. It really hurt but I felt it would be immature to complain so I kept my peace.
Now I wanted to open a business for her to add as a side source of income. I've been cajoling her that she has a lot of spare time on her hands from the government job and she's very good in buying and selling which she agreed but said she didn't want to start a business as it would be too tedious. I talked to her about it for almost a month but she refused so I gave it up. You can force a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink.
Only for her to come last week very excited and tell me she wanted to start a boutique shop, I should give her money. I was wondering what caused the turn around and she said a colleague talked to her at work that it was a lucrative business. When I asked "but its the same thing I've been telling you now, why didn't you think of it when I told you...?" She said she doesn't remember me telling her. When i pressed further she admitted i mentioned it to her but "you didn't say it seriously enough and my colleague has more experience.". This is me who ran a boutique shop for my mother years ago of which she is aware. I mentioned it to her and she shrugged it off.
Right now I just feel ...I don't know... As if she doesn't want to acknowledge anything I do for her. And it hurts me because I'm someone that likes helping people. Someone has advised that I stop seeking appreciation from her and ignore, that I shouldn't rely on her for my happiness and whatnot but I honestly don't know how to go about it.
How do I look for appreciation from someone other than my wife? Why is she behaving this way??
I keep feeling one day we will have a huge argument and she's going to say things like I have never done anything for her. And it hurts.
Maybe its not supposed to but it does. I have a strong belief in love and loving my spouse wholly and completely and part of that involves giving and I know showing appreciation or at least acknowledgement shouldn't be a big deal but it is for me and she knows it.
What do I do? How do I find joy in other things and ignore her behavior?"
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