Saying no — for people pleasers, especially, saying this one-syllable,
two-letter word is extremely difficult to do. The thought of saying it
out loud is comparable to the thought of saying the worst curse word in
the world in front of a congregation at church. It just doesn’t feel
right, ever.
Hell, if you think about it, even saying no to strangers is hard! It is
always a huge internal debate on how to politely say no to the Saks
cashier as she asks if you would like to sign up for the credit card
upon your purchase.
As dreaded as this word can be, in certain situations, it is absolutely
crucial to not only say it, but stick to your guns when you do so. An
extremely crucial time to say it is when it comes to matters of the
heart. No can be the fiercest, cruelest, most heavy word anyone in a
relationship can say to their partner. It carries massive weight and
importance, as it should. It also makes it that much scarier to say.
Emotions and attachments throw a monkey wrench in an already hard
problem with this word. However, if there is one time that you should
absolutely say no when it comes to relationships, it is saying no to
being “an option.”
Being an option for a guy is about as easy as it can get for him, but
extremely difficult and gut-wrenching for you. Whether you are an option
for him as friends with benefits, a constant rebound after his
relationships fail, text buddies who never actually hang out,
consistently in a gray area with no commitment, or any other form of
option, this is not an equal or fair relationship.
This relationship is based on him. If he is taken at the moment, you are
stuck waiting until he is single again. If he is free on Friday, you
either make Friday happen or you don’t see him at all. If he says to
keep your relationship a secret, you do. You are constantly following
his lead, his calls.
This is what being an option looks like. It sounds pretty sh*tty right?
However, it’s likely most girls have found themselves in this position
at one point or another. So if being an option is so godawful, why have
we been there?
There could be a million reasons girls choose to be an option for an
amount of time, but they all probably revolve around the word hope. You
hope someday he comes around and realizes how great you are, you hope he
breaks up with his girlfriend, you hope you find someone else,and until
then, he gives you something to do, and the list goes on. This premise
of hope is keeping you in the throes of an undeserving man and holding
you back from finding happiness within yourself.
This right here is where we hope you say the dreaded word no. Stop and
think about this man for a minute. Ask yourself: if I am right here and
he has me . . . why is he even looking to find someone? Why won’t he
commit to me? Why is he committing to someone else?
These little tough questions should be the gunpowder in your guns when
you next encounter this guy to say no, and stick to it. Respect yourself
enough to let a guy indulge in your time only if he realizes how great
you are, wants to commit to you, and isn’t the sole voice in the
relationship about how involved or uninvolved it gets. Utter that simple
one-syllable, two-letter word — you will thank yourself that you did
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