8 pieces of relationship advice from the 'Married at First Sight' expert

Psychologist John Aiken works on the hit reality show and shared his top tips to a successful relationship with Scout. / Married at First Sight

Audiences can learn a lot from Married at First Sight, says psychologist John Aiken. The Australian TV host and author is one of three experts who work on the hit reality show, which airs on TV3 in New Zealand.

The programme sees strangers meet for the first time at the altar, after undergoing a series of tests to determine their ideal match using science. John Aiken spoke with Scout, and shared eight pieces of relationship advice.

1. Ask yourself two initial questions

In order to figure out what kind of person you want in your life, Aiken suggests you ask yourself two questions: “What I would do is look back on past relationships and say ‘what hasn’t worked?’ and ‘what do I want to avoid moving forward?’.” 

2. Self-awareness is key

You must be able to take a step back, look at yourself and figure out the reason you are single, Aiken explains: “What I would say to the singles that are watching [Married at First Sight] is firstly, that it’s important to know why you are single. It’s important to have some self-awareness.”

3. Re-think your “type”

Many people come to Aiken with a “type”, but that’s often not the kind of person the science indicates they are best suited to. He suggests you take a look at the kinds of people you tend to date, and consider asking yourself: “What [kind of person] would be my best match, because perhaps I’m not looking for the right things?”

4. Be positive

Singletons are quick to put themselves down, and approach the dating scene with a grim perspective. Speak positively about your love life, says Aiken: “The biggest obstacle for singles across the board is a negative mind-set… you want to commit yourself to speaking positively about yourself in public.”

5. Stay patient and selective

Aiken encourages those who are looking for love to be selective, and wait patiently: “Rather than having a shot-gun approach to dating, you really want to know what you’re going after, what you’re going to avoid, what your deal breakers are.”

6. On that note, know your deal breakers

The three most common deal breakers Aiken hears from participants on Married at First Sight are: smoking, wanting kids and height. Settle on your deal breakers and then steer clear, he says.

7. Don’t try to change people

Go out there and meet people… and don’t stress if you find they aren’t well suited: “If you’re with someone who’s not right, don’t try and change them. Just literally let go and move on to something better.”

8. After a tough split up, take a break

Don’t rush to get back on the horse after a tough divorce or break up, Aiken explains. Wait at least 12 months, as you work through those “anniversary dates” in a calendar year. “Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Christmas, New Year.. you’ll be remembering what you were doing [with your ex-partner]” he explained, “realistically it’s going to take you that time before you are really going to start feeling [available].”